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April 30, 2007

Dating update

I wrote a couple of weeks ago about Tom. The last time we spoke on the phone we said we were both interested in “dating” or seeing each other outside of a purely sexual context. What I didn’t mention in that entry is that we had both contracted Chlamydia. I’m not sure who gave it to who but that’s completely unimportant, really. We’ve been communicating through email since then. It didn’t occur to me but Tom thought it was best that we didn’t get together again until our respective infections were cleared up and we both said we were really looking forward to that.

I called on Friday afternoon and we chit-chatted about some stuff, including the fact that our infections were clear. Good enough. I asked when we would be able to get together. Tom responded by saying he felt that there were two of him, one was a real pig and the other one wanted to settle down and have a monogamous, romantic relationship. (We had touched on this subject in some previous conversations when I expressed similar feelings. I told him that, except for 20 years ago when I was drinking, I have been monogamous in all of my relationships but I wasn’t sure what I wanted now.)

This seemed to be leading up to us making some kind of decision about monogamy while we were dating. Nope. He’d been seeing someone else and was telling me that we wouldn’t be having sex or dating! Apparently he had two dinner dates with this other fellow during the time that we’d both been sick. That’s right, he went out with the other guy despite the same Chlamydia that somehow prevented us from going to dinner or to a movie. Is it me or does this just not make any sense?

“We can still be friends and do stuff, though, can’t we?” What? Like going to dinner with you and your boyfriend? Doesn’t that sound like fun?

He also said he thought I told him that I was uninterested in monogamy. I absolutely did not say that and told him so. I finally ended the conversation, completely stunned.

Later that day I got an email from Tom apologizing for being so “callous.” I responded politely that no apology was necessary, that it had just been a product of poor communication. Then I took a Xanap.

When I woke up I read the email again and this time I was angry. I wrote again saying that I should have waited to process the conversation more fully before I responded the first time. I wrote that I felt manipulated and that I had been treated as "Plan B," kept on the hook with a lie of omission. It was humiliating. We hadn’t been very emotionally intimate and he didn’t “owe” me anything but I felt I had been treated badly. He wrote back the he felt he’d been completely honest with me and that he thought at first that my email was supposed to be a joke. He wants to speak again on the phone or in person. I said I’d call him later this week.

Everyone I’ve told this story to has asked, before I even finished, “So he couldn’t go to dinner with you because you both had Chlamydia?? That’s ridiculous.” Yes, yes, it is.

I’m going to call tomorrow but I can’t imagine that he’ll see why I’m hurt.

I’m listening to “My Kind of Town” from The Very Good Years by Frank Sinatra.

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Posted by HighStrungLoner in Men at 4:34 AM

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