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January 24, 2008
Porn, Day 2: On the set
I was asked to arrive the set at 1PM, an hour before the cast in order to set up the lights and coordinate with the other cameraman. I hadn’t met him. The producer said he was an interesting guy and had worked on Project Runway. He was quite a character, a combination of John Lovitz and the comic book store guy on The Simpsons, very stagehand-y and straight, to boot.
We shot in a room in a Chelsea B&B. The lovely garden area in the back reminded me of Rear Window. The room had bright yellow walls with white trim and an equally bright yellow and white bureau. The decor was incredibly Brady Bunch. I loved it. There was a granny-type quilt on the bed, too, which was even less hot than the decor so we flipped it over a bit. This revealed some mysterious white crusty bits on the tan blanket. Ew.
There were nine guys in the cast and five production people so it got kind of tight with everyone’s clothes, coats and bags on the floor and various cords, cables and lights everywhere.
Weirdly, there were two large gift baskets from “friends,” one with mostly chocolates and the other with Starbucks products. We learned on the last shoot which was nicely catered that porn actors live, at least while performing, on protein bars, bananas and Gatorade, so there was no big spread this time, dammit. Any crew, as I learned long ago when I was a stagehand, will eat anything. I hadn’t had breakfast and this gluten thing makes it difficult to just grab something to eat, even in New York, so I was grateful for the candy. So was Jon Lovitz. He took some home—“for the wife,” of course.
Once the action started we realized that the bed was going to be a problem. The mattresses were very lightweight and the frame was on wheels. As soon as the first guys started fucking on it, it started rolling around. We had to remove the frame completely. The script, which contained the hilarious typo telling someone to “moan loadly,” was all about “double penetration.” Unfortunately, with the wheels and frame gone, the bed was down so low that double penetration was more or less impossible in the way the director wanted it. Three guys in a row tried and they had to contort themselves so much they they couldn’t stay hard. The script called for two bottoms to be doubly penetrated simultaneously and that obviously wasn’t gonna happen. We took a short break after each guy made his attempt at DP and after one of the bottoms literally vomited from gagging on a dick. Now we took a much longer break.
The director threw out the script and decided that this would have to be a free-form orgy. He insisted that DP would happen, though, and instructed the actors to make sure the cameramen were aware of it when it occurred. With the cast left to their own devices and without the gymnastics involved in the original scenario, we got lots of DP. I could tell that some of the actors obviously needed direction since they didn’t involve themselves as much as some of the others. Maybe they figured that now they had permission to only have sex with the guys they were attracted to and they weren’t attracted to anyone. Who knows?
The guys kept having to be reminded to be vocal since this film isn’t going to have any music. I’m not a big fan of “porno-mouth” either in movies or when I’m actually fucking so I’m not the best judge of dirty talk. The guy who seemed most into it had a limited inventory of phrases and an NPR-type voice. I just couldn’t get used to it.
We filmed each cum shot twice, first with the cameras on the actual cum and again filming the actor’s face while he faked it. Now that’s acting! After watching this five or six times, I’m sure it will seem obvious to me now whenever I watch porn.
We had nine guys in the cast and I think all of them got a cum shot in. The weird thing was, though, that when it was time to do them, four of the guys had to stand in the kitchen watching porn before they could shoot. I know at least one of them was watching himself! Hey guys!! You’re in a room with eight other porn stars. Isn’t that enough?
This is the most grueling part of the shoot for me. Everyone sits around waiting and waiting and as soon as someone’s ready to shoot their load everyone runs back into position. It’s pretty wacky and it surprises me that it’s at all convincing to watch but it is.
At one point during the day we had to quickly consolidate all of the extraneous crap that people had brought in with them just to get it out of the shot. There was a backpack in the corner and I threw a heavy pair of boots on top of it along with several other things. Later in the day one of the actors brought the backpack onto the bed and unzipped it. Two tiny dogs in grey hoodies ran out of it! I felt awful that I had thrown a pair of boots at them. They ran around completely quietly for a couple of minutes and went willingly back into their case. They came out again when we were done and their owner added sherpa jackets and harnesses that looked to me like bullet-proof vests. I have to agree with the guy who said the dogs were really adorable and very gay.
Seven hours and we were done. I headed over to meet a guy in the flatiron district but more about that another time.
I’m listening to “Heart Shaped Bruise” from “The Delivery Man” by Elvis Costello & The Imposters.
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