February 1, 2008
Incredibly GREAT news!
Experts Say Positive People on Effective HIV Meds Aren’t Sexually Infectious
It seems amazing but apparently it’s true. If your viral load says below 40 for six months or more and you continue antiretroviral therapy, you CANNOT transmit the virus sexually. This is HUGE news.
Update: Had I read further I would have realized that this wasn’t an actual study but data collected from other sources and a conclusion drawn. Still, I believe it’s likely true. Some people think it’s irresponsible to have released this kind of information publicly. Apparently, they think we’re too stupid to act responsibly after hearing this kind of thing. In my opinion, many of those people have an agenda and/or jobs at stake in the AIDS industry. Remember, it’s not only conservatives who want to control information to retain their power.
I’m listening to “Tired Of Waiting For You” from Hit Singles by The Kinks.
Posted by HighStrungLoner in Health at 12:28 PM
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January 2, 2008
Breakfast of Champions
Thank god for Kroger’s supermarket in Atlanta. I’m here again for a week staying with my friend Keith. (left) He’s still doing that awful chemo thang and we’re doing some work together. I’m designing a web site promoting a series of films he’s currently editing. The good news—make that GREAT news— is, after a PET scan the other day and with only one treatment left, his Dr. said his cancer is officially in remission! Can I hear an “AMEN?” He’s so tired of being sick and I can’t blame him. It’ll be over soon, though. It’ll sure be great to not have to be so nice to him all the time anymore, either. It’s so exhausting.
Anyways, back to Kroger’s…despite Keith’s relative weakness today, we took the short drive to Kroger’s because he wanted me to get some food that fit into my god-damned gluten-free fucking diet. Keith’s wonderful mother has cooked enormous amounts of food, frozem them and brought them to Atlanta for him but, as incredibly delicious as that food is, there is quite a bit of it that I can’t eat. (I swear, I’d kill for a biscuit and gravy right now. KILL!!)
The one thing I miss most is pizza. Amy's has an acceptable frozen one with a rice flour crust. It's pretty delicious. I'm not sure it’s pizza-like in any way other than it’s form but it’ll do. In their overzealous desire to be “healthy” they somehow figured their product should also be non-dairy. I’m not sure what the cheese is made of but it barely melts, even under the broiler as suggested. For chrissake, at least give me some real cheese!! To my surprise, Kroger’s had this particular pizza in their frozen food case! I bought two.
After that I found the Holy Grail of gluten-free products: Redbrige gluten-free beer!! I couldn’t believe my luck.I bought a six-pack. Unfortunately, it’s made by Anheuser-Busch, but it’s pretty fucking tasty even though it’s made from sorghum. I was thrilled.
So…I got to start the new year with pizza and beer. What could be better??
I’m listening to “Wilhelmina” from Hollywood Dream by Thunderclap Newman.
Posted by HighStrungLoner in Health at 4:32 AM
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November 6, 2007
Eureka!
I’m going to talk about my health again. Hopefully, this will be the last time for a while.
I’ve said before that I’ve been feeling really terrible for a really long, long time, especially bad since my trip to Atlanta in August. I’ve been going to the doctor once or twice a week for the past couple of months. Other than PCP and a COPD exacerbation we couldn’t figure out what the fuck was wrong with me. Both of those things would explain my symptoms but not why they weren’t going away. It was maddening.
I figured my lung disease had gotten worse with the PCP and that was that. This was pretty much the best I was going to feel for the rest of my life. I lived through the last few years of my mom’s COPD and I know it’s not something I would want to go through myself. I started thinking about making preparations for the big dirt nap, not right now but I wanted to be ready when the time came. If I felt this terrible and was this miserable now I couldn’t imagine what was in store for me in the future. I decided to sell my bike instead of having it repaired since it was pretty obvious I wouldn’t be riding it anymore.
When this episode of poor health began I knew I needed to stop smoking again and was finding it impossible. My doctor prescribed Chantix pills. What a miracle drug! Before the first week was up I had absolutely no desire for a cigarette. Chantix does two things: It releases some dopamine into the brain (just like nicotine does) but it prevents nicotine from releasing it. So smoking a cigarette does nothing except taste bad. There’s no pleasure left in smoking at all. It’s incredible how fast the habit just fell away. All that stuff about people being addicted to “the ritual” is horse shit. Really.
Crystal meth releases dopamine, too, and lots of it, which explains why I never wanted a cigarette when I’ve done it. That lead me to my next decision. I’ve suspected for a while that my depression is more dopamine-related than serotonin-related. I’ve done lots of crystal meth in my life, almost daily in the late 70s/early 80s punk era when I played in bands and I still like it sometimes. (Before you start, I don’t want to hear any hypocritical shit from people who get schnockered at the Bike Stop every weekend or did lots of “crank” when it was acceptable but now toe the “meth is death” line. Get it? We’re all still here.) It never made me “tweaked” as much as it made me kind of calm but with lots of energy. (My doctor didn’t disagree and even suggested that my previous heavy use might have led to a dopamine deficiency but was hesitant to prescribe Adderal because of it’s potential for abuse, the bastard. He called it “Atta Girl!”) The Chantix seemed to be having a similar effect but certainly not as intensely. Because of that, I decided to go off of my anti-depressants, Wellbutrin and Cymbalta. That went as well as can be expected. The electric shocks and incredible—and I do mean incredible—constipation that come with SSRI withdrawal are really unpleasant but ultimately worth it, at least in this case. I started having spontaneous erections! Seriously, I had no idea how much damage these pills were doing to my dick until I went off of them. (Bye-bye Viagra!!) Never again.
I’ve written about being sober from alcohol for nearly 20 years. Last month I really wanted a beer so I bought a few. They were incredibly satisfying. I didn’t like the drunk feeling as much as I used to but it was taking the edge off being sick a bit. I wasn’t completely comfortable with the whole idea but I did it and I made sure to only buy two at a time. I figured I didn’t drink for 20 years so I proved that I could do it. Yes, yes, I was justifying it to death but, what the hell, I already made the plunge. (BTW, I settled on Fat Angel Ale by Magic Hat Brewery. It’s incredibly tasty but, boy, two of them had me plastered!)
I noticed that every time I drank beer I got really short-of-breath, really quickly. Since I have COPD my lungs don’t do a very good job anyway, so this was pretty alarming. My albuterol inhaler was next to useless, too. The worst episode was at the Westbury bar. The folks who volunteer together at The Gay and Lesbian Archives of Philadelphia© usually go out for a beer and a bite there on Wednesday nights (if we can find anything edible on the menu besides the fries) and I was kind of excited to finally enjoy a beer with them. That pint of lager made me feel like I was drowning! I ended up just staring quietly into the table while my companions had a conversation. I remember when drinking was fun! What the fuck happened?
That night I looked up beer allergy online and was pretty much convinced I had one. Shortness of breath is one of the major symptoms. DAMMIT! The people whose accounts I read online were pretty pissed about it, too. I went a week without a beer and still felt like shit. I bought two Fat Angels and drank them. Again, I felt immediately worse, very short of breath. The beer didn’t really cause my symptoms, though, it just made them much worse. I got really drunk, though, and almost called an ex-boyfriend in the middle of the night! Ah, the good old days.
I did more research. (A good friend of mine says he suggested this next thing to me before I discovered it myself but I don’t remember it.) I finally came to the conclusion that I am allergic to wheat/gluten. What put the lid on it was that I was waking up feeling relatively good every day and deteriorating quickly after my daily breakfast of shredded wheat! Also, I'd gotten into the habit of eating a Wawa pretzel and sour cream donut every night.
Last Thursday morning I had shredded wheat for breakfast and avoided wheat for the rest of the day. I felt profoundly better by that night. I continued the gluten-free diet. By Saturday night I felt better than I have in years. Literally. No more congestion and coughing. No problems concentrating. No more itchiness. No more constant shortness of breath. I’m not constantly hungry and tired. I don’t need a pill to fall asleep even though I’m more awake and alert. I am really horny. On the minus side, I’m kind of cranky and have worse sidewalk-rage. Hopefully, those will subside but I know for sure that I’m not going to take a pill for them. (Just get out of my way!)
I am a classic case. Gluten allergy can be triggered by all sorts of things like stress or infections or an increase in gluten intake. I had all of those. Supposedly, I’ll be able to slowly add things back into my diet after a couple of months. I sure hope so because there is a HUGE list of things I love that I’m now unable to eat. Cake, pasta, cake, bread, cake, pizza, cake, you name it. The substitutes at Hole Foods are execrable. If not, I’ve had a great 54 years of being able to eat anything I wanted.
Anyways, that’s the scoop. Ironically, if I hadn’t decided to drink again, I don’t think I would have ever figured this out. Weird, huh?
I’m listening to “Take Off Your Cool (Feat. Norah Jones)” from Speakerboxxx/The Love Below by Outkast.
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Posted by HighStrungLoner in Health at 5:27 AM
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October 30, 2007
Where’ve you been?
Well first they thought I had lymphoma but it turns out I didn’t. I did, on the other hand, have PCP, which lingered a while. Since I have chronic lung problems to begin with, it lingered a l-o-n-g time. I was really weak mostly and coughing a lot. In fact, I’m still more shot-of-breath than I should be.
I was in Atlanta for a week, too, staying with a friend of mine who is having chemotherapy because he does have lymphoma. I mean, I felt lousy but he has cancer for god’s sake so I offered to go down for a while. Believe it or not, I had fun and he’s doing really well after two rounds.
Anyway, I’ve been sick and busy and not in the mood to write. The good news is that I’m feeling better and I’ve weaned myself off my anti-depressants so my dick is working without chemical help. It really has a mind of its own lately too which is lots of fun.
Thanks.
I’m listening to “Shitscheissemerde (Part 1)” from Louden Up Now by !!!.
Posted by HighStrungLoner in The High Strung Loner at 6:27 PM
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August 27, 2007
Lumpy
I went to the ear, nose and neck doctor today for a biopsy of the lump in my neck. He decided not to do the biopsy after all! I saw the MRI images and the size of the thing was shocking, 3 cm, which seems huge to me. (That's me in the picture, zonked out on Xanax, in the MRI tube.) It has gotten a lot smaller, though, and is even hard for me to find by touch. We’re going to wait a few weeks. If it goes away, it was probably just a consequence of my sinus infection. If it stays the same or gets bigger, we’ll do the biopsy. So, good news!!
Thanks to everyone who wrote to me.
I’m listening to “Towers Of London” from Black Sea by XTC.
Technorati Tags: cancer, health, HIV, lymph nodes
Posted by HighStrungLoner in Health at 8:38 PM
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August 23, 2007
Lymphing along
At the beginning of last week in Atlanta I noticed that the right side of my neck was warm and swollen and there seemed to be a soft lump in it. It was a little sore when I pressed on it. The next two days I woke up with crud in my ears, fever, chills and a terrible sinus headache. The lump was solidifying, too. I couldn’t tell what the ambient temperature was but I was sweating a lot with very little exertion. I called my Doctor in Philly, the wonderful Mark Watkins, and asked him what I should do. He advised me to go to an emergency room and get it looked at immediately.
The folks in the management office of the apartment building said we should go to a “good” hospital a bit of a drive away but still in “the perimeter.” There was no hurry so we took their advice. The emergency room clerk was very cute and the department was HUGE. It must have had 50 rooms. I didn’t have to wait very long to be seen and Keith stayed in the waiting room with his computer.
I sat in a comfortable dentist-type chair and nodded off. A few doctors came in, examined me and asked me a few questions. They were cute too! they told me that, given my other symptoms, the lump was just a swollen lymph node, gave me a week to live a prescription for Keflex and sent me on my way, telling me to make sure I saw my Dr. as soon as I got home. They assured me that, since it was painful to the touch and came on suddenly that it wasn’t cancer. Whew. We filled the prescription at Wal*Mart (sorry) and had a terrible meal at an awful chain restaurant with lousy service (Izzy & Irma’s??).
Over the next few days my fever and chills went away but the lump seemed to get worse. Now I could actually see it when before I couldn't tell it was even there without feeling for it. I’m sure no one else could see it but to me it looked like I had grown a second head. I was developing Lump Dismorphic Disorder.
I got back to Philly Monday afternoon and saw my Dr. on Tuesday afternoon. I gave him my aftercare papers and the blood work they had done in Atlanta. He looked at them and just shook his head and brought in his PA, John, to look at me also. They both agreed, nodding their heads sagely and saying nothing. I finally had to scream "WHAT THE HELL IS IT???"
He said I’d have to get an MRI on Wednesday (today) and a needle biopsy on Monday. “To be blunt, I think it’s lymphoma.” Oh great. Poverty, broken computer and now cancer. Thanks! I remained calm, as I always do in situations like this. (When I got my HIV diagnosis I took care of the stuff I had to do at the medical office and then bicycled home in the rain screaming "I DON’T WANT TO DIE!!!" with tears streaming sown my face. At least I keep the drama to myself!) I started freaking out a little later in the day while I was doing errands that weren’t going particularly well. For instance, Bank of America wouldn’t cash a check that they had written to me because I didn’t have more than one form of ID. (Fuckers.)
Before I left the office Mark and John assured me that this type of cancer was quite common and wasn’t going to kill me. (Sorry, folks!) One chemotherapy treatment should do the trick. Christ, I hope so. If not, this is going to turn into a “Plucky Cancer Guy” blog (“I‘m gonna beat this thing!”) and no one wants that to happen. Really. I know I’m not the only person who can’t stand that annoying Lance Armstrong.
I’m listening to “My Old Man’s a Fatso” from Back From Samoa by the brilliant Angry Samoans.
Technorati Tags: aids, gay, health, HIV, non-hodgkin's lymphoma
Posted by HighStrungLoner in Gay at 1:52 AM
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March 30, 2007
Managed Care
I’m listening to “Hou Mamma mia” from 10 Remixes by Les Negresses Vertes.
Posted by HighStrungLoner in Health at 4:13 PM
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March 17, 2007
Eunuchs in the breezeway
From CNN:
• Three North Carolina men sentenced for illegal castrationsUnfortunately, there are no photos.
• Men performed 6 castrations in carport(!) converted into an S&M dungeon
• Authorities say the “patients” volunteered for the operations
• The men have already served most of their sentences
I’m listening to “Unmade Bed” from Sonic Nurse by Sonic Youth.
Posted by HighStrungLoner in Gay at 10:52 AM
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March 3, 2007
No, it’s a punishment!
I saw this poster in the window of a disability advocate’s office at 7th and Market Sts. If I wasn’t so often personally inconvenienced by SEPTA’s incredible lack of elevators and escalators, I would have told these two jokers to shut up and count their blessing. Still, if they wheeled themselves down the middle of the Schuylkill Expressway in the rain at rush hour They'd get where they're going faster than any SEPTA vehicle will get them there.
I’m listening to “Vibrate” from Want One by Rufus Wainwright.
Technorati Tags: Philadelphia
Posted by HighStrungLoner in Philly at 1:58 AM
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February 24, 2007
COPD
I have Chronic Obstructive Pumlonary Disease because I smoked Marlboros for 30-some years. (I promise this will not be a lecture, just some background about how I got here. I still love cigars and kissing smokers!) Here’s how it works: When your lungs reach their full size they have lots more capacity than you need. As you age they slowly deteriorate and, hopefully, by the time you die you’ve still got more than you need. Smoking damages your lungs in ways that accelerate this process and lungs don’t repair themselves, so, by the time you notice a problem, it’s too late. You already have less capacity than you need and, even if you stop smoking, your lungs continue their natural decline and things get progressively worse. Then you die. Slowly. It’s a pretty fucked up way to die. I watched my mom do it.
I stopped smoking a long, long time after I started having problems, even severe problems. I quit about 4 years ago, then started again a year ago and quit again a month ago.
So. I take a bunch of medicines every day in order for me to be able to breathe: one pill, one inhaler, one inhaled powder, and two liquids in a nebulizer that take about 20 minutes twice a day. It turns out the meds are more of a precarious balance than I thought.
I didn’t know this but the State of Louisiana has been paying my Medicare premiums for the last two years even though I’ve been living in Pennsylvania. They stopped paying at the end of December and PA took two months worth out of my SSDI this month without informing me in advance. Ouch. Between that and my yearly Medicare Part D (Thanks, George!!) deductible, I was screwed. I couldn’t afford two of my meds.
I chose carefully. I decided not to buy the Singulair pill because I figured it’s specifically for Asthma and thats not really my problem, although some of the treatments are the same. I also nixed the Albuterol inhaler, since I use it several times a day and my Doctor said I should really only use it a few times a week. I figured I’d feel relatively normal—or, at least, how I’m supposed to feel. Wrong.
I was in agony. It was pretty cold this week and that’s a real problem for people with COPD. Whenever I was outside I had to keep a scarf over my mouth and nose (I don't know why it works but it does), and even then I had to stop at least once every block and catch my breath, leaning on something, palms down to enlarge my chest cavity. I must have looked like I was in trouble because several people stopped to ask if they could help. (None of them were Penn students, by the way.)
I called my Dr. and asked if he would prescribe some prednisone which is cheap. (Prednisone is like a miracle drug. When I take it, I feel 20 years younger, no lie. I can breathe normally and have seemingly boundless energy. Of course, continued use has real nasty side effects so it can only be used very sparingly, dammit.) The Dr. Said NO! and told me to go to the Emergency Room. Fuck that. The last time I went to the Penn ER with a COPD exacerbation, they treated me for a heart attack. A Dr. finally came in the second morning and said, "This is stupid. This has nothing to do with your heart. What are they doing to you?" They still call like clockwork every three months to follow up on my heart attack. I tell them I'm doing fine, thanks for calling.
I decided to wait it out overnight because a friend of mine said she’d pay for the medications in the morning. I didn’t feel great but I made it though the night without any major incidents. She drove me to the Pharmacy in the morning, dropped me off and continued on her way to Connecticut. I took one puff of Albuterol and all of my symptoms disappeared within a minute. I swear, it was like smoking crystal meth or something. (More on this idea later.)
I spent the rest of the day running around Center City doing errands without having a single problem. Amazing. I can’t wait until I’m 60 and I feel this crappy every day!
I’m listening to Little Hitler from “Pure Pop For Now People” (US) or “Jesus of Cool” (UK) by The Basher, Nick Lowe.
Posted by HighStrungLoner in Health at 11:00 AM
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January 18, 2007
Missing
I lost about six months worth of postings, the last ones before my hiatus and name change. Sorry about that but, hey, now I get to use them again if I can remember them!
XOXO
Posted by HighStrungLoner in The High Strung Loner at 2:11 AM
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January 13, 2006
The Scarlet Letter
That would be the letter F, for fever. I’ve been sick for a couple of weeks. I was so incredibly tired that I couldn’t really accomplish much but not sick enough to go to the doctor. ( Yes, I KNOW!) The other day my entire body turned pink, my skin felt warm and i was having trouble walking so I finally paid my dear physician a visit. It turns out I have scarlet fever of all things. I had no idea people even got it any more. I guess I was misinformed. Anyway, I started antibiotics two days ago and I’m already feeling better most of the time. My feet itch like a motherfucker, though.
Posted by HighStrungLoner in Health at 4:55 AM
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June 29, 2005
Nuttin’
I’m breaking one of the rules of Joe. My. God.’s A THIS Blogger’s Manifesto with this post. I’m posting to say I have nothing to say! Well, almost nothing, anyway.
I haven’t been doing very much because I’m kind of broke and it’s been grotesquely hot. Why leave the house? I’ve been to my friend Margetty’s place in West Philly a couple of times to feed her cats while she’s on fucking Martha’s fucking Vineyard and it’s really worn me out. They used to be my cats and I love seeing them so I’m dealing. Also I’m out of one of my meds and can’t afford the refill until Friday, so I’m being extra careful.
Speaking of meds, the Effexor is no longer making me feel like ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag. In fact, I’m doing pretty good. I’m sure sleeping soundly and I got a bunch of work done over the weekend. It wasn’t easy to start but I did and I actually finished. It may not sound like much but my major complaint to my therapist and psychiatrist is that I sometimes find it nearly impossible to start a project. (I’ll pace around the apartment or stare into the computer or try to sleep, anything but actual work.) Maybe these pills are going to do something. I still don’t feel great but certainly not as bad as the first few days. In some ways I feel better than before I started and some worse, so we’ll see.
Oh, As an added bonus I have NO APPETITE!! What a fucking blessing.
Posted by HighStrungLoner in Health at 12:53 AM
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June 24, 2005
Effexor
Did I mention that I’m depressed? Well, I AM. (I wrote about it here a few months ago.) My therapist sent me to a psychiatrist to investigate medication. I liked her. The interview was interesting and I felt that she really “got” what I was saying and knew what she was talking about. I coveted her Palm Pilot with the directory of drug interactions on it. There was a test to make sure I knew I who and where I was and I had to remember three words: tree, apple, ball. She put the paperwork on the floor and asked me to pick it up and fold it in half. If I were in her place, those folded papers would bother me every time I opened my chart. I didn’t tell her that. I passed! I did tell her that I will be very unhappy if the medication affects my ability to achieve and maintain an erection. I think she understood since I said it three times.
She prescribed Effexor and this is Day One. I HATE it so far. I feel as if I’ve been up all night and drank too much coffee. I’m tired and wired at the same time. And nauseated. Oh, and it’s really expensive but not as pricey as the Seroquel she prescribed for sleep. I haven’t bought that yet but I’ve used it before. (I’ve been using Xanax to sleep for years but it has started robbing me of sleep. Oh well.) Seroquel really knocks me out, which is great, but it gives me terrible Restless Leg Syndrome. It’s so bad that I have to get out of bed and walk around. It’s maddening. So, I end up having to take some Xanax anyway to stop the RLS. But that’s all part of the miracle of modern psycho-pharmacology.
I’m done complaining now.
Posted by HighStrungLoner in Health at 12:20 AM
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May 7, 2005
PCP
I do not have pneumonia. I was a little worried there. I went to see my doctor on Monday and he said he was concerned that I was wheezing. I always wheeze for a while after having bronchitis so, when he mentioned PCP, I was a little thrown. My numbers have been great for 14 years and PCP isn’t what anyone would have expected.
Anyways, I got a chest x-ray and everything is OK for the time being. We’ll be looking into other things. I still have wheezing but only in one lung so I’ll be getting a CT scan next week. Oh boy.
Sorry for the medical post but it is what’s happening with me this week. On the other hand, I don’t want to give you the impression that I’m lying around dying or anything. I’m just a little weaker than usual. I did manage to fuck this week! And it was a good one, too! I’ll get around to posting about it eventually. He was a great fuck but I think he was horrified by my apartment.
More when I get back from meeting Sky.
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Posted by HighStrungLoner in Health at 12:36 AM
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April 22, 2005
Phlegm
I’m having a terrible bout of bronchitis, so I may be MIA for a bit. I bought and watched DIG! this week and I’m writing up my thoughts about it. That might appear before I’m better but don’t count on it.
XOXO
Posted by HighStrungLoner in Health at 2:27 PM
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April 9, 2005
InActionAIDS
When I left Provincetown, I walked away from the incredibly good Massachusetts State health coverage. If you’re poz there and you have no medical coverage, you’re pretty much guaranteed whatever you need. Doctor visits, hospital stays, prescriptions drugs, the works. One of the main reasons I didn’t stay in New Orleans was that none of that was available to me. In fact, this week I got a pile of medical bills forwarded to me from down there. They are shockingly high. (I’ll never be able to pay them but, luckily, my credit report couldn’t be worse than it already is.)
So, as soon as I signed my lease and knew my permanent address in Philly, I signed up for HIV case management at AACO, a City agency. I chose ActionAIDS as my AIDS Service Organization (ASO). Then. I. Waited. For six weeks. Finally, I called them. Coincidentally. the case manager on duty was mine. She said he had mailed me some material and called. Anyway, we made an appointment for this past Monday.
OK, I will not dwell on the fact that she was really, really fat. In fact, that wouldn’t have mattered to me at all if she had the slightest clue what she was doing. When I asked about Medicaid, she said she’d ask her supervisor about it. I mentioned the nearly debilatating depression that I suffered in New Orleans. She told me she “reached for the chocolate” when she’s depressed! (No kidding!) My mention of high prescription drug costs brought a comparison with the price of gas. Discount prescription programs for people with HIV (called ADAP in most of the country)? She’d never heard of it.
I stopped, stunned in the middle of the intake and said, “I don’t want so seem rude but you’re a case manager; you’re supposed to know this stuff.” She sheepishly confessed that she was “new.” I pretended to understand but I wondered to myself if ActionAIDS provides any training for case management. Maybe I was spoiled by The Provincetown AIDS Support Group. No. This woman is an idiot. She is a fat, white do-gooder who should be driving disabled children around in a van. That, really, is her level of competence.
I make my needs as an informed HIV-care consumer pretty clear. I’m interested in practicalitites, not emotional support. Since I am on disability for COPD, I ask for help applying for Government services. I expect my case manager to not just know the procedures but to know how to navigate them efficiently. This woman had no idea the programs even existed! I want to know how to get affordable prescription drugs for depression. All she can offer is her ear when I am depressed. Gosh. Thanks.
Needless to say, after asking around, I called AACO again and changed my ASO to The Mazzoni Center. (My intake there this morning went very well.) Unfortunately, the news of my decision didn’t reach her before she called me to follow up on a few things and I had to tell her myself. I did it very nicely, of course. Yes, I’m a coward. Yes, I will send off a polite email to her supervisor voicing my concerns. No, I won’t mention that she’s fat.
(Oh, I never got the mail she claimed to have sent me, either.)
Technorati Tags: HIV
Posted by HighStrungLoner in The High Strung Loner at 12:38 AM
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March 1, 2005
Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus Aureus
I have a bunch of them. They hurt like hell. Apparently, there are a lot of people who have them lately. My doctor doesn’t know why. I can’t afford the prescriptions. So it’s off to register at my local ASO today and a boring trip to SSA to change my address and get yet another copy of my benefits letter. See you later.
UPDATE!! Success all around. I look and feeel better already!
Posted by HighStrungLoner in Health at 9:17 AM
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January 22, 2005
Down
Tonight something hit me.
I was talking to The Crusher on the phone around 5PM and my host left the apartment. After I hung up the phone I took a nap and woke up around 7:30. I had a cup of coffee and wanted to go back to sleep right away. I couldn’t do anything. The urge to sleep was nearly impossible to fight off but I did it. It was incredibly hard to not just walk back into the bedroom and lie down.
I made myself take a shower which didn’t help much. Then I forced myself to sit at the computer and finish up some banners for Cruising for Sex. By this time it was about 10:30 and I still wanted to just be unconcious. I figured that I needed to get the hell out of the house and headed out to The Phoenix. I didn’t have the car so I had to take the streetcar and walk through The Quarter. I left the iPod home because I figured this wqould give me time to just be with myself without distractions and with no possibility of just lying down and ignoring everything.
I’m pretty familiar with depression, having struggled with it for years but it’s been a long, long time since I felt like this. Let me tell you, this was terrible. It’s as close to suicidal as I’ve ever been. The walk did the trick, though, and I think I have it figured out. (He said, hopefully!)
I’m leaving New Orleans in a week and, for at least a couple of weeks after that, will not really be living anywhere. Money is tight partly because of the ongoing iBill problem which I wrote about before. (I sent out some invoices this week, some of them nearly a year old, so that problem should resolve itself soon.)
Mostly, though. I think the problem is that I’m 51 years old and I’m absolutely not prepared to be an old person. It’s not that I feel old or look bad or anything like that. And my life had been lots of fun, for the most part. I just feel as if I’ve wasted a lot of time that could have been spent preparing for the time of my life when I won’t be able to run around and have a good time.
It’s not like I chose a responsible career or anything which would help me prepare for my future. No! I decided to be a pornographer and move to a different city every couple of years! My god!! What have I done?? as David Byrne once sang back when he seemed talented.
Anyways, I think being so sick for a couple of weeks and having to have “Same-Day Surgery” the other day and having to leave this place before I have another place and really not wanting to even be in this apartment anymore has finally just left me feeling really overwhelmed. I just want to sit and stare out into the air and I can’t, dammit! I will just have to get over it, I guess.
Well, The Phoenix was fun and, I think, just what I needed. More about that tomorrow. Also, I talked to The Crusher on the way home and he was a soothing balm—well, that’s what he would say.
Posted by HighStrungLoner in The High Strung Loner at 3:00 AM
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January 19, 2005
Reverse Peristalsis
Sorry I've been kind of quiet lately. A tiny piece of General Tsao’s Chicken took a liking to my esophagus the other night and refused to leave. It rendered me completely unable to eat or drink even a sip of liquid for about 18 hours. Needless to say, I was a bit cranky and not in the mood to write!
This has happened before but never for longer than a few minutes. I went to the local emergency room after a couple of hours. The attending physician, Dr. Camero, was really great. He was informative, answered all my questions thoroughly and asked if I had more, let me make my own decisions, did not talk down to me and was very, very cute. Unfortunately, he couldn’t really help and I had to wait until the next morning to contact my PC who found a GI specialist to treat me.
They had to do an endoscopy to remove it. They numbed me out (very nice!!) and gave me Merced, a drug which is supposed to make the patient forget the procedure even happened. I’ve been intrigued by that stuff for a long time and was kind of excited about taking it. Unfortunately, it didn’t work on me and I remember every hellish second. Luckily, the procedure itself worked and I can eat again. My fantasies about a future of eating strained peas through a feeding tube are fortunately going to remain unfulfilled for the time being.
Moral: Chew your food thoroughly.
Posted by HighStrungLoner in Health at 11:19 PM
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